Tuesday, 4 Mar 2008
Hi, everyone! Susan here with my TWIST (The Way I See Things.) While you’re hot and heavy into planning the most important day of your life, I’d like to suggest that, along with that beautiful wedding, you also plan for a beautiful marriage. So many of us get focused on the wedding we’ve dreamed of for years that we forget to plan for the marriage.
The Beautiful Marriage
The best way to give your marriage a better-than-even chance of making it to the finish line is to recognize that marriage takes work — and your first assignment is to learn what makes a good marriage. Premarital counseling is available through both secular and faith-based organizations, so take advantage of these resources. If your mate is resistant, that itself may be a red flag. There is a way to do it yourself, but take a tip from Nike and “just do it!”
I also discovered a wonderful Web site with 269 questions you should discuss with your mate “Before You Say I Do.” The author, Dr. Naima Prince, is a professor and sociologist whose area of specialization is marriage and family, and she’s been extraordinarily thorough. By the time you’ve shared your responses to these questions with your intended, you’ll know each other well enough to know whether your marriage will be worth the beautiful wedding.
Here’s a sampling of the topics and questions you’ll find on Dr. Naima Prince’s website.
- Marriage: What is your definition of a good marriage?
- Children: How will having children change your life? What do you like about this? What don’t you like about this?
- In-Laws: Should in-laws be consulted in important decisions that affect your marriage?
- Religion: Do you share the same faith? Discuss your theological differences.
- Finances: If there is only one wage earner, will the non-earning spouse receive an allowance? Free access to the checkbook? Does the earned income belong equally to you both or does the wage earner have control?
See what I mean? And there are about 264 more where those came from. Get busy! I want your magnificent wedding to pale in comparison to your incredible marriage!
March 4th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Thanks, Susan! Those certainly are questions we need to ask and face with our prospective spouses. After “I do” isn’t when you want to find out what your spouse feels is “I don’t.”
March 4th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Oh, that’s so true. Given that 50% of marriages end up in divorce, it’s really important to talk, keep the communication open from the start. And make sure you have a good understanding of the other person’s values.
Great post!
Thanks, Susan!
March 4th, 2008 at 11:24 am
That is a great topic and something everyone should be thinking about. Unfortunately life changes and the way you feel about those topics will change too. It’s how you work through those things together that will keep it working.
March 7th, 2008 at 8:15 am
I am so glad that someone has touched on such a taboo topic when dealing with weddings. I think that alot of couples will really appreciate these suggestions. Most couples don’t even start asking these questions until they are waist high in the planning phrase and then they realize that they are not compatible.
Good Job!!!